A fond memory of Tony...

Circa 1986, I worked for Maurice Duke, (nee Morris Duchinsky); a B movie producer & one of the great showbiz characters of all time. He was responsible for such classics as "Louie Prima Goes to College," "Twist All Night" & "Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla." Through Duke I met all of old Hollywood, specifically the members of the Friar's Club. Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, Gene Kelly, Milton Berle & Tony Curtis all came calling to Duke's Paramount offices. I have a hundred stories of how Duke would mortify me, but being around him was largely hilarious; if you could get past the vulgarity & cigar smoke. One of the episodes featured Tony Curtis.

Tony arrived at Vistior's Parking near the main gate & I picked him up with Duke's golf cart. He was about 61 & was wearing jeans that were "spray painted on," gorgeous python boots, a tight muscle shirt & a great, big curly pompadour of toupee. He was tan, very fit, tastefully gilded but I couldn't take my eyes off the hair. He was polite & very low key on the ride over. However the minute Tony entered Duke's office the civility left, the volume amped & two old Jews came out to play. Their accents got thick & the dirty jokes were slinging. Duke alternately called him Bernie & Tony. 'Bernie' when he wanted to emphasize their Bronx, Jewish backgrounds.

As I was about to leave them alone, I asked if there was anything I could get them.

Duke: Isn't he good looking?

Me: Sure, Duke.

Duke: He's one good looking Jew.

Curtis is properly flexing his biceps & patting his abs; preening like a rooster in the yard.

Duke (continuing): Why don't you give him a blow job!

Even Bernie / Tony's eyes shot wide open in astonishment.

Me: Excuse me?! What did you say? (Now leaning over his desk, menacing) You couldn't possibly have said what I think you did. But if you ever speak to me like that again, I will roll you, in that wheelchair, right into traffic.

That was one of three times while working for him that Duke nearly swallowed his cigar. Tony nearly slid out of his chair in laughter. (Slid is accurate due to the tight jeans. He was sort of perched on an angle in the chair; he couldn't really create a lap.)

Tony: Duke, I like this broad! (As I turn to exit) But you had nothing to worry about; you're not my type. Your keister is too big!

Me: Matches the size of your hair! (Smacking my butt) And at least this is all natural.

The next day Tony sent me yellow roses & a basket of mini-muffins with an apology.

... Remembering him fondly with laughter.